CONTENTS FEATURE: E-mail haste can leave you red-faced GRAMMAR COACH: Fielding your questions FINDER'S FEE: Recommend a friend—and earn up to $500 FEATURE: E-mail haste can leave you red-faced      Aesop, the fable author who advised against counting chickens before they are hatched, and who observed that appearances often are deceiving, also is credited with penning the proverb "look before you leap." The statement, which appeared in his fable "The Fox and the Goat," metaphorically warned of the dangers of jumping headlong into a well to obtain water.      One modern-day adaptation of that aphorism in reference to e-mail might be "look before you lean on the 'enter' key." Messages composed and sent in haste, as well as other materials written without careful review before distribution, can contain some unintentionally funny and embarrassing boo-boos.      We've observed many such mistakes in correspondence and published materials, and when correcting materials that we've been asked to edit. We've collected some of our favorites (with anonymity preserved) for you to read here. High-water mark.      On her Web site, an elementary school teacher described a writing assignment that she had given to her fourth-grade students. "My class is actually in the mist of this project right now," she wrote.      That explains why her students have only a foggy recollection of what they do in school. (The teacher meant "MIDST.") Pointed remarks.      In an online presentation, a licensed psychologist discussed intervention programs available to help parents regain control of their troubled children. "Out of shear desperation many parents search across the country and are investigating programs based on advertisements in magazines, television specials, the Internet, newspaper articles and the recommendation of consultants," the psychologist wrote.      Somebody please take those sharp shears away from those desperate parents. The psychologist obviously meant SHEER desperation. Invisible people.      "Many people go undetected without any symptoms of diabetes." That statement, which appeared in a health education publication, appears to suggest that some people may be indiscernible unless they have symptoms of diabetes.      Its intended meaning was that the presence of DIABETES may be undetected in some people who have not developed any obvious symptoms of the disease. Living in the past.      "He is a renowned otologist who has served as the past president of the American Academy of Otolaryngology."      The writer apparently was torn between two statements: "he is a past president," and "he previously was president." What would a past president do while in office, anyway? The amazing shrinking employee.      "After 22 years on the job, I was downsized." The writer wasn't talking about weight loss.      Although this unfortunate fellow lost his job, his size likely remained unchanged. As a result of budget reductions, the DEPARTMENT in which he worked was "downsized." Side effect.      "The property is surrounded on three sides by state forest land," a message stated.      As any John Wayne western proves, you're not surrounded if you're guarded on only three sides. The property was ABUTTED, but not surrounded, by state forest land. His own victim.      A crime report issued by a county sheriff's department declared, "After it was determined to be safe to do so, deputies entered the residence and found a white male adult who had been the victim of an apparent suicide."      Despite the whimsical phrase "your own worst enemy," a person who commits suicide is not a "victim" (although suicide bombers, unfortunately, can have victims). Suicide is "the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally, especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind," according to Webster's Online. A victim is "One who is harmed or killed by another." The sheriff's department announcement instead could have stated, "deputies ... found a white male adult who died in an apparent suicide." Don't bother.      A community's chamber of commerce Web site identifies the area's recreational activities. The site acknowledges, "We know that we've probably missed some. If you have suggestions for additions to these Activity Menu pages, please send us an e-mail and we will see if we can't get them added."      The chamber shouldn't expect much response. People will be discouraged from submitting suggestions as long as chamber personnel promise they'll thwart attempts to add them. (Memo to chamber: maybe see if you CAN get suggestions added.) The teacher needs more schooling.      On the Web site that an elementary school teacher established to communicate with parents of students in her class, she wrote: "This is my first year trying this out, so bare with me while I work out the kinks."      If she wasn't aiming for laughs, then this teacher needs to spend some more time as a student in an English class. She meant "BEAR with me." The teacher apparently has a small class, consisting of only one student who unfortunately is the child of a single parent. On her Web site, the teacher has a "parent's" page and a "student's" page. Pardon my mess(age). An apparently harried worker who was forced to cancel an appointment sent a hastily composed e-mail message that said, "I apologize for the incontinence and hope to have an opportunity to speak with you later."      Ah! Therein lies the urgent reason for canceling the meeting . (The writer likely meant "I APOLOGIZE for the inconvenience.")      Let these serve as good examples about the wisdom of carefully scrutinizing your e-mail messages or Web text before you hit the "send" key. As the fabled fox and goat illustrated, doing so will serve you well. GRAMMAR COACH: Fielding your questions 1. Trinda T. wrote:      "What is a good salutation to use when sending interoffice email messages?" The grammar coach replies:      Trinda, your "grammar coach" question is commendable because many people ungraciously omit salutations from e-mail messages. They rationalize that e-mail is for quick notes, but that's not sufficient reason to abandon courtesy. We suggest treating e-mail as you would a phone call or other written correspondence.      A person making a phone call customarily begins with an introductory greeting such as, "Hello, Ellen. This is Frank from the Purchasing Department." After Ellen responds, Frank then explains the reason for his call — perhaps to discuss an invoice that does not coincide properly with a purchase requisition.      If he had begun by launching directly into a discussion about the invoice without greeting Ellen, she might regard Frank as rude, impatient or condescending.      We believe, therefore, that salutations should be retained in e-mail mail messages as they are in other forms of formal and informal written correspondence. We suggest applying the same guidelines to e-mail that you would to a handwritten note or letter. For an informal note to a friend, you might begin with "Hi, Kathy," while you might prefer "Hello, Catherine" for someone in another office with whom you are on less familiar terms.      Despite the long-standing tradition of the word "dear" in salutations, some people are perhaps uncomfortable using it because it can be construed as a sign of affection. One increasingly commonplace response is shortening the salutation to simply the recipient's name, as in: "Catherine: An invoice that your office issued...." That approach has an apparent scolding tone, however, that could be softened by use of a more traditional courtesy greeting — such as "Hello, Catherine," "Greetings" or "Good day, Catherine." That is our recommendation. 2. Kate A. wrote:      "Is it: 'The teacher recalls him writing a story' OR 'The teacher recalls his writing a story'?" The grammar coach replies:      Determination of which pronoun to use ("him" or "his") depends upon the intent of the sentence. In one possible interpretation, the teacher is trying to recall what a student was doing the last time she observed him. "I saw him taking his seat in class. I heard him talking to other students. And I recall him writing a story." The objective-case pronoun "him" is used in each of those sentences to introduce a gerund ("taking," "talking," "writing") — a verbal that ends in "-ing" and functions as a noun. The gerund functions in this case as a verb complement, which completes the thought of the verb. I recall him doing what? I recall him writing a story.      In another interpretation, though, the gerund constitutes an action inherent in the student —something that is characteristic of him or that in some way "belongs" to him. The teacher may say, for example, "his loud humming distracts other students." The pronoun case has changed from objective ("him") to possessive ("his") because the humming is HIS.      Consider the sentence "the teacher recalls his habitual whispering in class." Once again, the possessive case is required, because you wouldn't say "the teacher recalls him habitual whispering." The chatter is HIS. The whispering is HIS.      Likewise, if the teacher is referring to his act of authorship, or to the result of his authorship — to his writing — a possessive pronoun is required as well. The teacher recalls the act of the story being written. The teacher recalls HIS composition of a story. The teacher recalls HIS writing a story.      Are you perplexed by some aspect of grammar or word usage? Don't be shy! Ask the "grammar coach" at EditPros and we'll try to help—at no charge, just for the sport of it. FINDER'S FEE: Recommend a friend—and earn a finder's fee of up to $500      Do you know of a friend or colleague whose office can benefit from EditPros' services? If you do, EditPros may reward you with a "finder's fee" of up to $500.      EditPros LLC, established in 1993, performs writing, editing, proofreading and publication management services for newsletters, brochures, Web sites, annual reports, research studies, business proposals, and other informational and marketing materials. Our office is in Davis, Calif., between Sacramento and San Francisco; however, our clients include educational institutions, private corporations, health-care organizations, trade associations, scientific research institutions, Web site developers and government agencies from throughout the United States. We have worked with some of them for more than 10 years.      If you recommend our services to a friend or business colleague, and that introduction leads to an assignment for EditPros, we will award you a "finder's fee" equaling 10 percent of the amount we earn on the first assignment for the new client, up to a maximum finder's fee of $500. Naturally, the finder's fee is applicable only to client organizations for which we have not worked previously.      This offer will remain in effect until further notice. YOUR TURN: Ask the "grammar coach" or subscribe      We invite you to submit your questions to the "grammar coach," and we welcome you to subscribe to this monthly newsletter—which we'll send to your e-mail address at no charge. We respond to all "grammar coach" questions personally, but delays may occur because we must place top priority on assignments from our clients. We appreciate your patience and your interest.      You also can change your e-mail subscription address. For an address change, please indicate your existing AND your new e-mail address. Thank you. OUR PRIVACY POLICY for e-mail newsletter subscribers:      We do not use any commercial e-mail lists or automated mass-mailing programs, and we do not allow access to the list by anyone else for any reason. 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