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[EditPros(SM) News]


Davis, California    |    March 2010    |    Vol. 14, No. 3
EditPros LLC marketing communications

Monthly information digest for EditPros clients and friends


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CONTENTS

FEATURE: Thaw 'frozen forms' in your writing by replacing fixed expressions

GRAMMAR COACH: Fielding your questions

FINDER'S FEE: Recommend a friend—and earn up to $500


FEATURE: Thaw 'frozen forms' in your writing by replacing fixed expressions

     People are exposed to so much information these days that keeping your writing short and sweet is a good idea. To make your writing crisper, replacement of fixed expressions and idioms with succinct equivalents is advisable.
     A fixed expression is a sequence of words that function as a unit to convey an action, emotion or other concept. "In no uncertain terms" is one common fixed expression; others include "as far as I know," "in this day and age" and "after all is said and done." Some linguists refer to fixed expressions metaphorically as "frozen forms" because their wording is rigid. Replacement of one word in a fixed expression can make a statement sound silly or senseless. You'd be justified in looking puzzled if your warehouse manager told you, "the inventory is finished, as distant as I know."
     Fixed expressions also can include similes (such as "proud as a peacock") and clichÈs (such as "actions speak louder than words" and "a rolling stone gathers no moss").
     An idiom is a type of fixed expression that either has an unusual syntax, or that differs significantly from the literal meaning of its component words. An idiom appears nonsensical to someone unfamiliar with it. "Sick and tired" is a frequently used idiom; others are "on the other hand" and "by and large." Can excuses cause someone to become ill and fatigued? Of course not; word substitution renders the fixed expression "sick and tired" senseless. Unless you're talking about jewelry, the expression "on the other hand" is peculiar; the adverb "however" is preferable in most cases. Juliet said that by and big, the accounting staff members like the new office dÈcor. What? "Big" cannot substitute for "large" because the meaning of that fixed expression has drifted far from its original nautical context. To make the statement more succinct, write, "the accounting staff members generally like the new office dÈcor."
     The first sentence in this essay contains an idiom: short and sweet. The expression does not refer to the taste of sugar; it connotes something that is brief and thereby appealing. That first sentence would benefit from a sugar-free substitute: People are exposed to so much information that writing concisely is advisable.
     We further trimmed wording by eliminating "these days" (which was unnecessary because the sentence is written in present tense) and by replacing "is a good idea" with advisable.
     Fixed expressions become so habitual that we spew them indiscriminately throughout our everyday conversation and our writing.
     For example, a statement that "the labor organizer encouraged workers to put up a fight over the company's policy revisions" is four words longer than necessary. The same idea could be conveyed without the idiom "put up a fight," which defies literal logic. No one is "putting" a fight "up" or anywhere else. Here's a revised, leaner version: "the labor organizer encouraged workers to protest the company's policy revisions."
     In the statement "the Senate bill would achieve nothing in terms of safety improvements," the fixed expression "in terms of" makes the sentence wordier than necessary. It can be eliminated, with this result: "the Senate bill would not achieve safety improvements."
     An article titled "How to stop snoring once and for all" appears to literally suggest that all people can stop snoring just one time. Gee, five minutes later, they'll all be snoring again. "How to stop snoring decisively" would convey the intended message more succinctly.
     Instead of writing that Earl "stumbled upon the proverbial can of worms," you could say that he "encountered unanticipated complications." If you want your writing to be a bit more colorful while remaining succinct, you could say that Earl "became ensnared in complexities."
     Claude told Valerie, "I am more than willing to help you prepare for the board meeting." If he's willing, he agrees to help. If Claude truly is "more than willing," he might sound more convincing if he would tell Valerie that he's eager to help.
     "I'm afraid that I don't understand what Fred means," Todd said. Unless Todd thinks his failure to understand will result in punishment, he probably isn't in fear; Todd could make his point more concisely by skipping "I'm afraid that" and simply saying, "I don't understand what Fred means."
     Law enforcement personnel are well-stocked in fixed expressions. Police spokespersons who are releasing an injury report invariably announce that the involved officer was "injured in the line of duty" — and TV newscasters usually repeat that phrase verbatim. A newscaster wouldn't announce that an accountant who slipped while carrying a box of files down a staircase was "injured in the line of duty." The reports about the police officer and the accountant can be conveyed, without altering meaning, by saying, "injured on duty" or "injured on the job."
     Bureaucrats call upon another bit of gobbledygook that has become a fixed phrase when they announce that an employee suspected of wrongdoing has been "placed on administrative leave." In what sense is the employee's leave "administrative"? How absurd; the employee is not administering anything — because he or she is on leave. The leave is "administrative" only in the sense that it was ordered by an administrator — which is self-evident. Instead, say that the employee was "placed on leave" — or, more to the point, "suspended from duty."
     Examples of fixed expressions are abundant. People who hope to be convincing about their intention to examine a problem announce they are conducting a "full-fledged investigation" — without the least understanding of what "fledging" means. A bird that "fledges" is one that has grown the feathers necessary for flight. So "full-fledged" means "fully developed." Saying "thorough investigation" would be more succinct, and more precise.
     Likewise, why would anyone clutter a sentence with "in the final analysis" if the word "ultimately" would convey the same meaning? Delete "the powers that be" and replace it with "authorities." Reject "mission-critical" and say "essential" instead. Why clog your speech with the expression "for all intents and purposes" when either "practically," "essentially," "nearly" or "almost" will suffice? You can't make a "concerted effort" unless two or more people plan, agree upon or participate in it jointly; "concerted" means "in combination with" someone else. In most cases, you can drop the "concerted" and just "make an effort" — or better yet, "attempt" or "try." Instead of "making up your mind," you can "decide."
     So when writing seems bogged down, remember that cutting to the chase can improve it by leaps and bounds. In other words, succinct wording can improve ponderous writing substantially.


GRAMMAR COACH: Fielding your questions

1. Jeff M. wrote:

     "When I was a child in grammar school an instructor (in all her great wisdom) shared with me a bit of her knowledge that has troubled me for years. She told me that the word 'troubles' was not a word. Can you please clarify this? I look it up in dictionaries and I get that 'the troubles' is almost a marketing term: 'The Troubles' was a period of ethno-political conflict in Northern Ireland which spilled over at various times into England, the Republic of Ireland, and mainland Europe. Perhaps my research efforts are weak at best. Please help. Is 'troubles' a word and/or a proper use of the word 'trouble'?"

The grammar coach replies:

     We can't imagine why your grammar school teacher told you that "troubles" is not a word. It irrefutably is; "troubles" exists as a present-tense form of the verb "trouble" (as in "the mayor's comment troubles me"), and as the plural form of the noun "trouble" (as in "he didn't anticipate the troubles he has encountered"). The American Heritage Dictionary offers this usage example: "I've had troubles ever since I took this job." The example sentences that the Cambridge Dictionaries Online suggests include "She thought her troubles would be over when she got divorced" and "It troubles me that she didn't tell me this sooner."
     As you properly indicated, the capitalized term "the Troubles" is used in reference to conflicts or rebellions in Ireland that occurred between 1919 and 1923, and again Northern Ireland beginning about 1967.
     We're glad that we were able to troubleshoot this for you.

2. Jessica P. wrote:

     "I love that you answer questions to the 'grammar coach' for the 'sport' of it. I have a question for you. Here is a sentence: 'The Retail Trust Helpline 0808 801 0808 is a confidential service that provides vital support and a range of services including access to: hardship grants, free counselling, legal and debt advice, and help with redundancy through our ReWork programme as well as retirement housing throughout the UK.' My question is: when using 'as well as' as a part of a list, do you use 'and' in the item before the 'as well as'? Do you think this sentence is grammatically correct? Clear?"

The grammar coach replies:

     The phrase "as well as" can function as either a conjunction or as a preposition. When used as a conjunction, it is equivalent to "and also" or "and in addition" (for example, "Thelma's presentation was informative as well as entertaining"). In that sentence, it connects two complements of the verb "was." Note that no comma is necessary because it replaces the conjunction "and."
     When "as well as" relates to the subject of a sentence, however, it can assume a slightly different meaning, equivalent to the preposition "besides." In such cases it becomes a prepositional or parenthetical phrase, requiring it to be set off by a pair of commas or parentheses — for example: "Francine, as well as six members of her staff, is at the conference this week" or "Francine (as well as six members of her staff) is at the conference this week." Because Francine is the subject of the sentence, the verb "is" agrees in number with her, and disregards the members of her staff — because they are mentioned parenthetically and are not part of the true subject of the sentence.
     The word "and" should not be used in combination with "as well as" in either usage.
     In your example sentence, "as well as" appears to serve as a conjunction, and therefore does not require offsetting commas. We say it "appears" to serve as a conjunction because the meaning of the sentence is a bit unclear; the relationship between retirement housing and the remainder of the sentence is puzzling.
     We understand the first portion of the sentence: "The Retail Trust Helpline 0808 801 0808 is a confidential service that provides vital support and a range of services including access to: hardship grants, free counselling, legal and debt advice...."
     The next item in the list of services appears to indicate that you additionally assist unemployed people through your "ReWork programme as well as retirement housing." Readers may wonder how retirement housing would help people who are unemployed or who need legal and debt advice.
     Jessica, your e-mail signature indicates that you work in London, England. We should explain to our primarily American readership that in the United Kingdom the term "redundancy" refers to lack of employment, but Americans would find that use confusing. In the United States, "redundancy" refers chiefly to repetitive or superfluous information, or to intentional inclusion of duplicate components in a mechanical or electronic system as a backup for the failure of one component.
     Now, let's return to your sentence. As it is now composed, the preposition "through" links "help with redundancy" to both the ReWork programme and to retirement housing, but we suspect that the two are unrelated.
     If that's the case, the sentence could be clarified by rearrangement: "The Retail Trust Helpline 0808 801 0808 is a confidential service that provides vital support and a range of services, including access to: hardship grants, free counselling, legal and debt advice, and retirement housing throughout the UK, as well as help with redundancy through our ReWork programme."
     We hope our answer is helpful to you.

     Are you perplexed by some aspect of grammar or word usage? Don't be shy! Ask the "grammar coach" at EditPros and we'll try to help—at no charge, just for the sport of it.


FINDER'S FEE: Recommend a friend—and earn a finder's fee of up to $500

     Do you know of a friend or colleague whose office can benefit from EditPros' services? If you do, EditPros may reward you with a "finder's fee" of up to $500.
     EditPros LLC, established in 1993, performs writing, editing, proofreading and publication management services for newsletters, brochures, Web sites, annual reports, research studies, business proposals, and other informational and marketing materials. Our office is in Davis, Calif., between Sacramento and San Francisco; however, our clients include educational institutions, private corporations, health-care organizations, trade associations, scientific research institutions, Web site developers and government agencies from throughout the United States. We have worked with some of them for more than 10 years.
     If you recommend our services to a friend or business colleague, and that introduction leads to an assignment for EditPros, we will award you a "finder's fee" equaling 10 percent of the amount we earn on the first assignment for the new client, up to a maximum finder's fee of $500. Naturally, the finder's fee is applicable only to client organizations for which we have not worked previously.
     This offer will remain in effect until further notice.

YOUR TURN: Ask the "grammar coach" or subscribe

     We invite you to submit your questions to the "grammar coach," and we welcome you to subscribe to this monthly newsletter—which we'll send to your e-mail address at no charge. We respond to all "grammar coach" questions personally, but delays may occur because we must place top priority on assignments from our clients. We appreciate your patience and your interest.

     You also can change your e-mail subscription address. For an address change, please indicate your existing AND your new e-mail address. Thank you.

OUR PRIVACY POLICY for e-mail newsletter subscribers:

     We do not use any commercial e-mail lists or automated mass-mailing programs, and we do not allow access to the list by anyone else for any reason. Our subscriber list is maintained by hand, and it is not for sale. We are protective of confidentiality because many of our readers are also clients of ours. Any accompanying advertising is placed by Yahoo.com in exchange for our use of the e-mail server to distribute this newsletter.


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