Newsletter and Grammar Coach

The 1966 motion picture The Good, the Bad and the Ugly was notable for its sparse dialogue and Clint Eastwood’s well-chewed stogie, but that’s not all. The film’s title, with its use of adjectives as nouns, presaged a trend that would take hold in colloquial English decades later. Although the word “good” is accepted as a noun under some circumstances, “bad” and “ugly” exist only as adjectives. Yet in the film title, they were cast as nouns, in the absence of unspecified and missing nouns.

The title could have referred to good deeds, or good people or good luck — good something, but we don’t know what. The same is true for “bad” and “ugly.” Most adjectives need to accompany a noun that they are intended to describe.

Adjectives such as “tasty,” “vast,” “speckled,” “wrong,” “any” or “sturdy” cannot stand on their own. The statement “He forgot to serve the tasty” is nonsensical. So is “she took the wrong.” Those words need to accompany a noun or pronoun, such as “He forgot to serve the tasty cupcakes” or “he forgot to serve them” or “she took the wrong exit.”

Failure to notice a distinction between adjectives and nouns has led to recurrent use of some grammatically hideous colloquialisms. Many of them have become embedded in advertising slogans, perpetuating their misuse. Some advertisers also appear compelled to turn nouns — in some cases, their own names — into verbs.

We compiled a small collection of ugly misappropriations of adjectives masquerading as nouns, and nouns contorted into verbs.

Dairy Queen, which sells foods and frozen treats, hopes to entice customers by telling them that “Happy tastes good.” That apparently resonates with the folks who market Nutella hazelnut spreads and who encourage consumers to “Spread the happy.” Of course, a person can be happy, an adjective that refers to experiencing pleasure or contentment. The adjective “happy” is not a thing, not a food that can be tasted. The noun that expresses that feeling of pleasure or contentment is “happiness.”

The slogan of the Subway restaurants chain is “Eat fresh,” but that rallying cry comes up short because the item that the sandwich shops sell is missing. It’s like calling two slices of bread with nothing in between them a sandwich. Eat fresh what? The adjective “fresh” is supposed to modify another word — for example, foods or vegetables or ingredients. Beyond that, we’re fresh out of ideas.

Advertisements by the company named iRobot urge consumers to buy one of their Roomba vacuum cleaners “so you can human.” The word human exists as an adjective and also as a noun, but iRobot has morphed it into a verb — you human, I human, we human, they human. That wording sounds like it came from a prematurely released artificial intelligence application.

Most banks can turn bills into coins, and dollars into Euros, but the Goldman Sachs investment banking firm thinks it can turn a noun into a verb at will. Goldman Sachs may have borrowed the iRobot AI application to create its trademarked You can money campaign. That’s right, the company’s advertisements tell consumers “You can money.” And if people feel like it, they can also car, or they can mailbox, or they can hamburger. No, it doesn’t make sense to us, either.

A few years ago, the Kohl’s department store chain adopted the tagline “The more you know, the more you Kohl’s.” The more you know, the more you recognize how grotesquely ungrammatical that slogan is.

Pizza chains seem predisposed to make grammar gooey. Apparently discontent with its functional and catchy slogan “Love at 425 degrees,” the Papa Murphy’s chain of take-and-bake pizzerias launched a campaign coaxing consumers to “Change the way you pizza.” We have not changed the way we pancake, or the way we salad, and we see no reason to change the way we pizza.

Meanwhile, during the past couple of decades, Pizza Hut has been proclaiming its slogan “Nobody outpizzas the Hut.” That’s enough to make discriminating customers want to unpizza — even if they’ve ordered a pitcher of the Un-Cola (the tagline for 7-Up in the late 1960s and early 1970s).

A personal care and cosmetic products manufacturer likely thought it was exercising creativity a decade ago when it launched a campaign encouraging its devotees to “Celebrate your extraordinary.” Some of them may have thought that the company’s disrespect for grammar is extraordinary.

Many people may not find these examples at all disturbing. But advertisers should keep in mind that they are distracting to many other people who value grammatical rules. That’s worth keeping in mind before committing to expensive slogan development and advertising campaigns — some of which may be good, while others are just plain bad or ugly.

The advent of digital print-on-demand technology in the 1990s created a seismic shift in the book publishing industry. Writers with a passion to have their work published were no longer at the mercy of literary agents and traditional publishers. New options were now at their disposal.

In response to the urging of aspiring authors seeking assistance in publishing their books, EditPros established the BookPrep service. During the six years since, we have helped 36 writers publish 41 books in a wide range of genres, including memoirs, family and organizational histories, mystery novels, children’s books, spirituality, philosophy, scholarly lecture notes, and health guidance.

Each of those authors decided to self-publish their books for various reasons. You likely have your own reasons for contemplating self-publication. Here are five important reasons to consider.

5. TIME: Searching for a literary agent willing to accept your manuscript can take months or longer. Once you’re under exclusive contract with an agent, pitching your book proposal to publishers can take even longer. If and when a publisher agrees to take on your project, the publication process can take a year or longer, during which time your manuscript will undergo heavy scrutiny and multiple revisions with which you may disagree. The process does not work well for authors who have a sense of urgency about publishing their work.
But when you self-publish through BookPrep, your project can make the leap from manuscript to published book within two to three months.

4. REJECTION: Writers seeking to publish their book through a traditional publisher must develop a thick skin and prepare for the disappointment associated with receiving rejection letters — if any response at all. Rejection can be demoralizing to the point of giving up.
But when you self-publish through BookPrep, no one is going to mail rejection letters to you. You set the standards, and you determine when your manuscript is ready for publication.

3. EDITORIAL CONTROL: When working with traditional publishers, new authors typically have little influence in objecting to changes that they oppose. They may not be consulted about graphic elements, the design of their book’s cover, its retail price — or even the title. Extensive mandated changes can make a writer feel that the work is no longer really theirs.
But when you self-publish through BookPrep, we offer suggestions, yet you can make your own determinations about typefaces, sizes, location of page numbers, chapter headings, decorative elements and cover design.

2. ROYALTIES. Traditional publishers typically pay writers royalties of only 8% to 10% of the cover price per book sold. The publisher reaps most of the revenue from copies sold.
But when you self-publish through BookPrep, you actually determine the amount of the royalty you wish to earn per book sold. You can earn dollars instead of dimes per sale. The calculation is a function of the difference between the manufacturing cost and the suggested retail price — which you choose.

1. RIGHTS. Traditional publishers require writers to sign over some or all of their intellectual property rights to the publisher. Such rights include film rights, audio transcription rights, English-language editions sold overseas, and foreign language translations. Once you sign the contract, the specified aspects of your creative work become the property of the publisher.
But when you self-publish through BookPrep, you retain all of your intellectual property rights for the work.

As part of the BookPrep package, EditPros professionally formats the cover and interior pages of each author’s book and readies it for print publication. The finished product is made available commercially in both print and digital editions, EditPros formats and converts the book files into e-book formats for sale through Amazon (Kindle), Apple (iBooks), Barnes & Noble (Nook), and Kobo, by means of submission to IngramSpark's e-book service.

Some writers working with BookPrep have intentionally restricted their books from sale to the public, but they are able to purchase as many copies as they want at the wholesale price, to give to family members and friends.

With BookPrep, authors retain all rights to their books, and collect 100 percent of sales royalties.

We invite you to LEARN MORE about the EditPros BookPrep service.

Stefanie R. wrote:

The grammar coach replies:

* * * * *

Are you perplexed by some aspect of grammar or word usage? Don't be shy! Ask the "grammar coach" at EditPros and we'll try to help — at no charge, just for the sport of it.

Do you know of a friend or colleague whose office can benefit from EditPros’ services? If you do, you may be able to earn a “referral reward” of up to $500 from EditPros.   

We invite you to submit your questions to the "grammar coach," and we welcome you to subscribe to this monthly newsletter — which we'll send to your e-mail address at no charge. We respond to all "grammar coach" questions personally, but delays may occur because we must place top priority on assignments from our clients. We appreciate your patience and your interest.

You also can change your e-mail subscription address. For an address change, please indicate your existing AND your new e-mail address. Thank you.

OUR PRIVACY POLICY for e-mail newsletter subscribers:

We do not use any commercial e-mail lists or automated mass-mailing programs, and we do not allow access to the list by anyone else for any reason. Our subscriber list is maintained by hand, and it is not for sale. We are protective of confidentiality because many of our readers are also clients of ours.